Transitions

There is a movement afoot. Those with an ear to the ground can hear it coming. If your daily routine includes even the most cursory perusal of the day’s headlines you probably have noticed its increasing presence in the print media.  What I’m speaking about is the growing transgender movement, heralded by the LGBT movers and shakers as a necessary forward step in our evolution—an overdue and much needed affirmation of not only the rights of what has been termed “the trans community,” but also a demand for unquestioned acceptance of its legitimacy as an alternative and moral lifestyle choice.

Those of us old enough to remember Phil Donahue and Sally Jesse Raphael’s daytime talk shows can recall the titillating episodes that featured transgenders, and how the hosts always did their level best to portray this psychosexual deviation in the most glowing and positive light.  Donahue and Raphael were high-visibility cheerleaders for this new wave of so-called gender liberation, and as successful as they were in that endeavor, they were just the first few trickles in what would become a raging flood.

I have a more than passing interest in this transgender zeitgeist as I have been a lifelong sufferer with this affliction. I have struggled with gender confusion since my earliest days. I remember having these conflicting thoughts and feelings as early as five years of age. From there it only got worse as I entered puberty and simultaneously and nonfortuitously entered the whirlwind of change brought on by the 60’s and 70’s sexual and feminist revolutions. It was truly a witch’s brew of intellectual and psychological assaults, unfortunately abetted by a confluence of less-than-ideal personal circumstances that wreaked havoc on my life in more ways than I care to enumerate here.

My own battle with this affliction came to a head in 2003, when at the age of 50 I transitioned my life by changing my name, beginning estrogen supplementation and assuming the visage of a woman. I lived my life this way for seven years before returning to my male name and appearance. Although the events before, during and after that transition are interesting and germane to a discussion on the subject of transsexualism as a whole, I wanted here to address mainly the issue of how that situation was impacted by my discovery of, and eventual baptism into, the Seventh-Day Adventist faith.

A few years after changing my appearance and beginning to live as a woman, I happened upon some videos on YouTube from Walter Veith and Amazing Discoveries ministries. I had been a very avid reader and researcher int what might now be termed "new world order" and "conspiracy" topics. I imagine it was my interest and viewing of such videos that led YouTube to place some of Professor Veith's lectures in my Suggested Videos section. As I listened to these lectures and others by various Adventist pastors and speakers, my interest was quite piqued by what I was hearing--as many of the subjects they addressed were completely new to my ears.

I found that the more I listened to these lectures and sermons, the more I came to realize that what I was hearing made sense. I had felt and believed for many years that we were living in the last days, and had read and looked into some of the more prominent writers who expounded upon these matters: Hal Lindsey, the Left Behind series of books, etc., but I always seemed to run up against a brick wall as inconsistencies in these exegeses seemed to pile up, one upon another. Some of the points they expounded made sense in themselves, but when taken together with other events and timelines in prophecy, they just didn't fit together. So here, for the first time, I was hearing explanations that were not only rational on their own but fit in soundly with the complete Biblical account of end times' events.

After some months watching more videos and researching the Seventh-Day Adventist Church, I decided I wanted to see if there was an SDA church in my city. I looked through the phone book and discovered that indeed there was, and after a fair amount of contemplation I got up the nerve to give them a call and ask about attending. I must admit that after watching the Adventist videos and reading more extensively about the church, I was a little nervous about how they would react to me. I even considered that it was possible they wouldn't want someone like me within a mile of their church--what with their more Biblical and fundamentalist beliefs. But I did muster the courage to call and was subsequently visited by a couple of the elders from the church. They were very cordial, gave me some literature, and spent probably about an hour talking with me about the church. They also said they would be happy to have me attend.

I gathered the considerable amount of courage it took to attempt this new course of action and made my way to church the following Sabbath. I arrived to a very warm reception, was pointed to a Sabbath school class and also invited to stay afterwards for the sanctuary service. I was welcomed warmly and invited to return the following week, and I must say that, as I attended regularly in the years following, I was never once put upon by any member of the congregation. As I have told friends and fellow church members many times since, if anyone had ever confronted me, gotten in my face or wagged their fingers at me, I would have been out the door, never to return. This has always been a very salient point for me in my admiration and love for the church and its members--now my friends. I was never admonished for my lifestyle, but I was never told it was right either. I will admit that more than once I squirmed a bit in my pew when sermons entered areas of scripture that caused me to reflect on my lifestyle choice. But here again, it was never a confrontation to me alone, and I feel that the church truly lived up to the adage that we are to hate the sin but love the sinner. They did something that, for me, was so very important: they gave me the room and the time to find God on my own. They did not force, they did not coerce, they did not admonish. I believe they recognized that I was searching, and they had enough faith in God to let Him lead the way if they would just love me, care for me, and encourage me in my journey.

After about three years attending church and bible study classes, I decided that I wanted to be baptized and join the church formally, but, as I neared that decision, I believe the Holy Spirit began speaking to me in regards to my gender confusion. As the time to be baptized grew nearer I become convinced that God didn't want me to continue to live as I had been for the previous seven years and, by this time and with really no regret or second thoughts, I decided to return to living as a man. I must confess that I would be lying to say that these confused thoughts and feeling left me that day and never returned, but they do on occasion and it is sometimes a struggle to keep them at bay. But with God's help I accept each day as a gift and another chance to reform the traits that have worked to my detriment and kept me in bondage. I know I fail at times and slip back into thoughts better not countenanced, but I allow myself to fight through those times and return to God asking His forgiveness. I know the struggle is daily and that the battle will probably continue as long as I draw breath, but I now have a new hope and new desires. God has shown me a better life. Despite my human weaknesses and proclivity to sin, I know I will always have someone there to pick me up, dust me off, encourage and forgive me. He brought me here for a reason and I will be forever thankful.